Ranting of a Mad Woman #4

I found the GOOD in goodbye

A lot has happened since the past post about Sherlock. First…Well… I have graduated from college. Additionally, the year is almost ending, and while I write this 7 days in advance, I know I won’t get another chance to write to you before the year is up. So here is my chance. As always bear with me as I invite you to visit into my mind palace. Welcome to another ranting of a mad woman i.e. ME!

I would first like to say goodbye to Columbia College. While I will be visiting the college weekly, I have finished my studied there. Goodbye Dear Columbia College, white as the gleaming stars above, no stain shall touch the purity of my Columbia College. While a student there you have shown me, my mission is to light the way with a learning mind, gentle heart, breath of love, and never ending faith. You have developed in me the courage to stand firm in my belief, the confidence to know that I can achieve anything I set my mind on, the commitment to change the world one person at time, and the competence to know who and how to change the world. I pray that the world is gentle to you and that you do not fall away from your values and traditions. Hold fast my dear knowing that this departure of mine is not goodbye forever, but a see you later.

Second, I would like to say goodbye to the year 2016. Dear 2016, I am so glad you will finally be over. It has been real, it has been fun, but it was never real fun. 2016, I thank you for the good that has come of this year, my research, my blog, the friends that I have made including the discovery of my best friend. With all being said, however,2016, I thank God above that you are finally over. The screaming to mask the tears is over, the searching to find meaning has been completed, the struggling to keep up has finally ceased. I have in the mist of the pain found myself, and for that 2016, I thank you. It is still hard, not knowing, and wondering if I will be better or worse in 2017 than I am today. Actually… regardless of what happens, I know I will be better off, if and only if, I will no longer be in the den of rotten snakes. This is goodbye forever 2016, and while I have had a great adventure with you, I will not be missing you.

Next, because what is a ranting without humor? And what is humor without poking fun at our government… Goodbye America, or as is common now ‘Merica (for those not in America, I am as confused as you are, but I have heard a lot of people here call America, ‘Merica). If anyone knows why or how this horrid trend came about please let me know. Anyway, with D. Trump being the next head of the whole country, it is fitting for me to say GOODBYE my beloved America. (Regardless of who had won, I still would have said goodbye to my beloved country. We are entering dark times here in America, and while in my mind we will always be the greatest country on earth, I know that greatness cannot forever. So it is a matter of time before America, the Roman Empire of the West falls. I pray to God that 2017 is not the year it falls, but that God blesses America, if only for the sake of the few.

2016-12-14_02-05-26

Finally, I would like to say goodbye to someone who I have held very close to my heart and my life. Guys it is 2:00 a.m. and I am saying goodbye to myself. NO, I AM NOT COMMITTING SUICIDE. I could never do that to you guys. I am saying goodbye to my former self. The self who was selfish and only thought of herself, yet I am also saying goodbye to the weak Lesley who allowed everyone to step over her and abuse and use her. I am saying goodbye to the former me who was afraid of her own shadow yet acted like she could conquer the world. I am throwing aside the former me who would cry day and night because she allowed the abuse of loved ones to get to her. Don’t get me wrong, I am still kind and compassionate and loving, but I will no longer stand for the abuse that was occurring in my life. No longer will I allow my life to be manipulated. I know this sounds harsh, and if you know me in person, you will see the changes, but fear not, I am doing this for not just me, but for you as well. My dear readers, worry not, I will still be your fine line between genius and insanity.

This is my final goodbye to those who called themselves my friends and family but have failed in one or both of those occupations. This is goodbye to those who were poisoning me with their toxicity and venom. This is goodbye to those who used the word love, friendship, and family in vain. HOW DARE YOU? From my mind palace, you have been removed, from my heart, you have been forgiven and forgotten. So, this is goodbye, and if I never see you or the former me again it will be too soon.

It is now close to 2:30 a.m. and I, being human, need sleep. Good night dear readers. God bless.

“I will not try to convince you to love me, to respect me, to commit to me. I deserve better than that; I AM BETTER THAN THAT…Goodbye.” Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

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